“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to
people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm
(that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they
justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of
themselves”.
~ T.S. Eliot
Every Girl Deserves to Be Treated Like a Princess
The Force of Divorce
Yes, I am now divorced. I hate the word divorce. I despise the idea of divorce. I fought a hard battle for 35 years to forgive and accept the trials and tribulations in my marriage-- always making changes and remaining forever hopeful it would get better. But divorce is now a nightmare that has come true for me. All the years of caring, changing, and forgiving are over. I am left with murky feelings and great disappointment.
I have thought heavily about the proper way of addressing my divorce in my family blog. Basically, because I will be telling one side of a two-sided story. And enough time has not gone by to wipe away my pain and bitterness towards a man I no longer want to know. Could I be fair in my writing? And did I even have to be?
But the force of divorce has led me down a path I had no idea existed. I decided I would address my divorce experiences and what I learned from my marriage in my blog writings because the stories might help someone else. My encounters might possibly give someone else some hope when they feel their heart is broken in so many pieces it can never be whole again.
So if you follow my blog you will read about my divorce in bits and pieces as I write about my new life. And although the marriage and the divorce caused me the most unbearable pain, today I am thriving. I am hoping the hardships and the high points I experienced in a 35 year marriage can help make an interesting point, or even add a bit of sarcasm and laughter to my stories.
I was in love with Joe at one time and despite years of trying to understand his recklessness, his dishonesty and his anger, I know in my heart I always worked on trying to stay married. I forgave him over and over for the hurtful things he brought into the marriage. I would appear to be a fool if I said I stayed in an unhappy marriage for 35 years. So yes, I have to acknowledge there were good times and I was always hopeful it would get better. But eventually the bad times took over the good and we divorced for good reasons. And although I have said if only I could go back in time I would never have married him knowing what I know now, in reality, I would not change the fact that I married Joe. Why? Because I have the most incredible children and grandchildren. My children are here because of the marriage between their father and me. If I had married someone else they would not be. I cannot imagine my life without them, their spouses and their children. I thank God every day for the opportunity to be in their lives and to share the joy we experience daily. I was finally able to get peace as a single woman when I was able to remember there were good times, and I stopped feeling those 35 years of marriage were wasted. And although over the years I may have acted foolish forgiving Joe over and over, I don’t regret my efforts. I fought to keep the marriage intact till the very end. I never acted as a coward. When it was finally time to wave the white flag, I did it with a heavy heart, but with much dignity.
This entry is a good place to start writing about the incredible memories that make up each day in my new life. I awaken each day, walk outside and feel like Meryl Streep as I say out loud to the world, “I have a FARM in Ft. Pierce!” Yes, Forever Weekend Farm is mine now—the most gorgeous 10 acres of bliss and paradise.
Forever Weekend Farm has been my dream. Its mere existence is who I am—it holds my heart and soul. Almost every morning for fifteen years I have strolled these sweet smelling pastures with a motley gang of displaced dogs. And like me now, many lost critters have found solace in the song of the swaying palms. When I walk outside and smell the remaining embers in the fire pit, hear the koi pond waterfall, and watch the ducks swimming in the ponds, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am humbled and grateful for the support of my family and my friends especially the last six months. I feel positive, enthusiastic and passionate once again. I am wholehearted and eager to share the wisdom I have gained from my experiences. I am excited for a second chance to love and laugh!
Taking care of Forever Weekend Farm as a single woman has been empowering! When I finally got Joe to leave, I knew the best way to deal with my pain was to stay busy. I made a list of all the projects and improvements the farm needed. I set up a plan. My farm and I needed a makeover! I had unfinished projects and unfinished dreams. My sheds and my head were crammed full of junk. My barn and my waistline were bulging with leftovers. So armed with the right tools and a positive attitude, I worked on repairing broken windows and restoring my broken world. I cleaned the cattails from the ponds and the cobwebs from my spirit. I removed rotting boards from the deck and alcohol from my routine. I recycled piles of nattie lites and bad memories. I bagged up years of trash and the trashy years. I got out my power washer and cleaned the mold and mildew from everything in my sight, including my life.
The Beauty of Forever Weekend this Summer 2015
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| Like me, my orchids are blooming again |
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| The koi pond holds 15 new babies sent all the way from Panama City, FL by Pop and Meme |
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| All this summer rain has been good for my banana plants! |
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| Beautiful rat snake sunning in front of my mailbox. |
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| I am always awed with the bearded ferns |
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| This is a wild orchid I discovered a few years ago growing on the edge on my property tucked in the bamboo canes. This summer it had so many flowers. |
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| My grove is loaded with oranges, tangerines, grapefruit, and lemons. |
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| And Mama owl takes it all in now that her spring babies have moved learned to fly. |
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| Ama was able to get up close and personal with one of the owl babies learning to fly. We were exploring in the golf cart and this little darling swooped down in front of the cart. He was as amazed and as shocked as we were. |
Okay, now
I have shown you the Beauty-
now here is the Beast
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| I have worked the last 6 months cleaning up messes that would rival the ones documented on the show "Hoarders". |
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| There are no words to explain how this happens-I had given up and it makes makes me feel sad that I allowed this to happen |
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| Every Monday is trash day. I load up what I can on the golf cart and set it up in neat piles crossing my fingers the trash men take it. They have refused 2 of my piles--too many hazardous chemicals and substances. This was the fun work--I love these big machines. A good lesson is do not plant one cattail in a shallow pond--they are very invasive and will take over in shallow water. I have not seen the water in these ponds since 2008 at Jerren's wedding! |
I had the two ponds dug deeper and reshaped--they look awesome!
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| Two pairs of wild mallards immediately moved in on both ponds! |
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| I had to have this little addition put in the backyard for the grandkids! Ama loves it! |
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| Ama feeds Hoover, Lemon head, Tangerine, Albino, Tigger, Applesauce... she loves the koi |
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| My morning helpers |
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| It is not all work and no play-- Ama loves mussels as much as Oma. We love treats at Carraba's! |
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| My favorite new tool |
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| I trimmed 24 trees before work one morning- have a hard time stopping once I get going-there is always one more branch! |
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| Love my burn piles! But they attract the fire department! |
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| Ama and Oma love to watercolor! |
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| Jerren has me riding bikes with her every night after work. She is trying to stay in shape for the arrival of her baby boy coming in Sept. I go for support--as riding a bike on the dirt road after the rains is work! |
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| Life is good! |
